The Story of How I Got Lost

Alternate title 1: How my 5mi Run Became a 10mi Run, and it Wasn't Because I Was Feeling Good
Alternate title 2: My What a Big Park You Have
Alternate title 3: Plenty of Common Sense, No Sense of Direction

Once upon a Tuesday in mid July, I went Christmas shopping. This has nothing to do with how I got lost, but I am hoping to impress people with my early jump on the holiday season. After spending lots of Ross' money, I headed to the Willamette Mission State Park where I paid $5.00 for the privilege of running on the park's trails.

I've been battling the early stages of tendinitis in my knee so I thought that the soft surface of the trails would be a good change of terrain, not to mention a nice change of scenery for me. I was limiting myself to 5ish miles for the same knee issue.

I started my run feeling good. I took an opportunity to run by the river to watch the cars get ferried across. I hadn't seen that before and was feeling pretty proud of my run choice. I got off the beaten path and on to some horse trails enjoying the solitude, the river, and the run itself. I was running a loop. I thought.

After my Garmin registered 5mi, I thought I'd better cut back to the parking lot on the next available side trail. Which is exactly what I did. Unfortunately, I didn't read any of the park maps along the rout. I didn't know that I wasn't remotely close to the parking lot. As I got deeper and deeper into the woods, the trail got muckier and the underbrush got denser. I started having to tip toe across the edges of the trail to avoid falling into the mud pits that had formed from all the bad weather and horse traffic. I was wearing brand new running shoes and wanted to protect them from being completely trashed after only my second run in them. That didn't last long. I finally lost my footing and sank my left foot up to my ankle. My right foot would follow suit a few hundred yards later. Trying to keep myself upright, I grabbed what must have been something along the lines of stinging nettle. My hand was burning from the nettle as were my shins where I ran into some blackberry briers. This was getting ugly.

Finally, I got to a split in the trail. I tried the first - dead end. I back tracked and continued down the other branch of the trail until it split again. I took the branch - dead end. Back to the main trail I kept pushing down but the underbrush was getting thicker. I really didn't want to turn back at this point because I figured I must be getting closer to somewhere. Dead end. I had no choice but to go back out the way I came. Insert "mad face" here.

Back on the main trail I decided to read the park map. Unfortunately, I can't read maps, and wasn't sure which direction I was going on the trail from the "you are here" star. It looked like maybe if I continued on this main trail along the farm fields, I might come to the main road. I tried it. It was a dead end. My legs were not happy, and I was not having fun anymore. I began backtracking on the original trail and kept reading each park map I passed until I could tell where I was and which direction I was headed. Eventually, I realized the next right should be a short cut back to the main park. I figured I was relatively close, but once I got up through the trees, I was running through a clearing surrounded by more trees. The clearing had bird houses staked every few yards in every direction, and until I got out of there, I felt like I was in a cheap horror film.

Finally, I found the path that would lead me back the parking lot. I took a pit stop at the river where I tried to scrub most of the mud off of my legs and shoes, then I squished back to my car, got in, and never looked back. And to think I paid money to do that. I may be tall, but I'm not very smart.